This post is done while I'm still halfway through my 剪报. I was really sick of it and chanced upon Kang Jie's blog with a whole chunk of 'Thank You' and so I got suddenly motivated to start this post.
Well, so I must say, 2009 went pretty fast, faster than previous years. Things are sorta a lil too fast for me to catch and I guess I really regret procrastinating stuffs that led me to the current state of my studies. I guess I haven't been studying well this year and I'm perhaps having problems coping, but still, I wanna try to hold on and pull through. Guess I should start working hard now. There's really a whole list of people I wanna thank and I think if i'm going to list them all out, this post would never be finished. So maybe I would just thank the few more important people be it if they will be reading this or not.
So here goes:
To Mum and Dad. I know I haven't been really obedient and I'm a badass son for the past few years ever since I entered my teenage years. You guys put up so much with me and disciplined me so much. I admit I was in the wrong sometimes and thank you for pointing out my mistakes and for the disciplinary actions taken out against me but sometimes I really do feel wrong. I don't want to continue here as this is a thank you post but not a complain letter. I know you will not be reading this but still, thank you so much.
To Sisters. Yeah. The two of you probably won't know about my blog also but who cares. Thank you so much for helping me through times that I was fucked up and stuff and also thank you for the fights that kept me entertained when I was bored. I know this sounds sadistic but it's true(:
To the teachers. Thank you so much for guiding me through my studies, clearing my doubts at times, but frankly, sometimes I sorta hate you guys for throwing bullshit at us. I know you all will not be reading this too but still, thanks for all the work, scoldings and punishments that made us really grew up.
To Cedric. I know you'll also not be reading this, most probably I guess, but thanks so much for the times you had put up with me when I was down and pissed and especially when I picked fights with you. Looking back, those were just a whole lot of childish and immature acts that really shouldn't have happened and I shouldn't have experimented. Thank you so much for trying to cheer me up when I was down, giving me advice when I was lost and also the time that you spent hanging out with me. I miss those times when CCA stood down and we would go to Lot One almost every other day after school for lunch. I miss those ice fights and really cool talks that we had. Thank you so much for those.
To Celeste. My table partner for half a year I guess. Well, a pretty funny and crappy time for that half year. Lots of things happened I guess and thanks for putting up with me at times when I was down and I would grumble/complain. You're a good friend for the past 1 year plus which I think would be hitting 2. Thanks for all the chats we had, be it on msn, SMS or on the phone late at night. Those times would never be forgotten I guess.
To Weiixen. My table partner for the other half of the year. YOU ARE A JOKER. A big one. Your crazy/funny antics really is very funny. I know you're also probably not reading this too. But you're really one big smartass. Thanks so much for helping with the work I don't know how to do and also guiding me through things I wasn't sure of. And most importantly, thank you so much for keeping me awake with your super lame and cold jokes that made me laugh so hard and giggle. But somehow, our seats wasn't changed. Cool times eh? Thank you(:
To the friends I made this year. Yeah. Quite a lot to list down for I don't know what reason. Haha. Thanks so much for being my new friend(: Talking to me. Chatting, keeping me entertained and perhaps sharing those uber cool videos on youtubes and jokes(: Thanks so much.
To the everyone else. Thank you for walking with me if you had, for every single little things that we had done together. Thank you.
To everyone who trusted me. I thank you sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for putting your trust on me. I know it's difficult to trust people so thank you so much. Thanks.
To myself. Yeah. I think I gotta thank myself too. Thank you for growing up and learning new things. Thank you for all the things I bought for myself. Thanks so much. And good job for handling all the bullshit thrown to me, for enduring with things that I used to not be able to put up with. Thanks.
Yeah. I guess that's about it. Well, I'm sorry if your name is not specifically mentioned here but there's really too much. I'm sorry and thank you. Good luck for the year ahead and stay in the pink of health, people(: Merry Christmas and a very early Happy New Year. :D
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
I feel like diss-ing someone. I don't know who. -.-
This post gon' be random,
For I not know who the target is,
For I not know how I wanna go about this diss.
This is for no-
One, just guns pointing anyone.
No wait I just thought of someone.
Frankly I tell now I'm stressed.
I'm pissed, I feel my fist.
I've had enough of this.
Why you wanna live with all those avoidance.
I see them all as hypocrisy.
Why you make me tell someone something-
Which never ever mattered much to me?
Why you make me feel so caught up between?
Don't you have a lil' bit of sympathy?
Why is it always me that have to clear all this shit?
Is it you making use of me?
How did I succeed in putting up with all these?
I don't know how to handle things-
Thinks people all around,
Go all around making me like a badass all time round.
And when I try to empty my heart out here, I hear voices saying that I'm loud-
Pow. Knock out. There goes Xin An down and out. Never heard, seen, felt. Coz someone just squeezed his fucking balls out.
For I not know who the target is,
For I not know how I wanna go about this diss.
This is for no-
One, just guns pointing anyone.
No wait I just thought of someone.
Frankly I tell now I'm stressed.
I'm pissed, I feel my fist.
I've had enough of this.
Why you wanna live with all those avoidance.
I see them all as hypocrisy.
Why you make me tell someone something-
Which never ever mattered much to me?
Why you make me feel so caught up between?
Don't you have a lil' bit of sympathy?
Why is it always me that have to clear all this shit?
Is it you making use of me?
How did I succeed in putting up with all these?
I don't know how to handle things-
Thinks people all around,
Go all around making me like a badass all time round.
And when I try to empty my heart out here, I hear voices saying that I'm loud-
Pow. Knock out. There goes Xin An down and out. Never heard, seen, felt. Coz someone just squeezed his fucking balls out.
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Super Bored.
So. Avatar today. Not a bad movie. Shan't go into details. Crapped a lot. Anyway, was damn super bored until cannot bored on the MRT back. So started to look at the notices and I took three and below I'm going to tell you why.1)
How do we alight when we have to keep clear of the doors??
2)
We can't put our hand on the sliding door. When the door is sliding, how can we rest our hands on it? The door would just slide off.
3)
Tell me what the train runs on.
Okay. I know I'm SUPER but hey. I WAS SUPER BORED AND NOTHING BETTER TO DO KAY?!
Done posting. Bye.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
For anyone out there.
I've fallen at this point whereby,
I, just fill I'm in a dark pit, total bullshit, nothing that really can explain what this it.
My mind's twirling, and I can't seem to get them in line no more.
I told myself to let go but why I feel things became so close.
I put myself on hold, told myself I ain't pro but I still have to learn how to let things roll.
I lost my mind now I feel I'm in the sky, no not high just the feeling I might die.
I don't know why and I will not cry, because I feel like downing Cyanide.
I've to pull, I cannot stop. I don't have time to think, I have to get everything up quick.
I feel like a prick now because I can't tell all these shit.
Give me a break. I'm choking because I'm hanging.
I, just fill I'm in a dark pit, total bullshit, nothing that really can explain what this it.
My mind's twirling, and I can't seem to get them in line no more.
I told myself to let go but why I feel things became so close.
I put myself on hold, told myself I ain't pro but I still have to learn how to let things roll.
I lost my mind now I feel I'm in the sky, no not high just the feeling I might die.
I don't know why and I will not cry, because I feel like downing Cyanide.
I've to pull, I cannot stop. I don't have time to think, I have to get everything up quick.
I feel like a prick now because I can't tell all these shit.
Give me a break. I'm choking because I'm hanging.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Homework
English: Compo(going to do now), The Baking Desert(Do tomorrow)
Math: Heymath test, Textbook Exercise
Chinese: 4jian baos and 1 book gan xiang (totally haven't touch the book)
Chinese: 4jian baos and 1 book gan xiang (totally haven't touch the book)
Sigh
I was watching Tom and Jerry when I realized how good it is to be young and innocent as a kid, able to laugh at anything, including those stupidest every jokes..
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
No more.
Perhaps from now on, I'll only be posting when I'm feeling out and down, high and dry. So better hope I won't update often. But please tag more. When you can't reach me, the box there is for a reason.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
Bored bored and bored.
Feeling bored recently and I don't know why.
Things have suddenly came to a stop but stopping means starting of a new beginning.
I suddenly lost track of what I was trying to go about because my mind's preoccupied with something else.
Something I kept trying to figure out but always futile.
I don't know how to continue anymore.
Good bye.
Things have suddenly came to a stop but stopping means starting of a new beginning.
I suddenly lost track of what I was trying to go about because my mind's preoccupied with something else.
Something I kept trying to figure out but always futile.
I don't know how to continue anymore.
Good bye.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Drunk with hate, blind by wrath. It's gonna be a rough ride this time round.
I think the decision is made but why am I so fickle?
I keep telling myself that this is simple,
But I can't seem to forget and let go.
It's about time to release this,
Maybe I can feel more happiness within.
It may help me to smile more,
And not frown as much anymore.
I want to say something.
I want to convey this.
Not everything is easy,
Especially this.
I feel pain.
I feel upset.
It's not that I'm heartless,
I try to be numb,
But it don't work anymore.
I don't know what's this about anymore.
Good Night and Good Bye.
I keep telling myself that this is simple,
But I can't seem to forget and let go.
It's about time to release this,
Maybe I can feel more happiness within.
It may help me to smile more,
And not frown as much anymore.
I want to say something.
I want to convey this.
Not everything is easy,
Especially this.
I feel pain.
I feel upset.
It's not that I'm heartless,
I try to be numb,
But it don't work anymore.
I don't know what's this about anymore.
Good Night and Good Bye.
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
I am feeling.....
Well, maybe a lot of you dunno me well,
dunno how I felt
and dunno how I tend to dwell.
I feel crapped up enough now and things just ain't going well.
I try to sooth myself, telling me I'm better now,
But everything just ain't working well.
It sticks like glue,
Gets washed away with water,
Which proves everything just not strong.
The bond is weak, and now as I wondered if stars are what they seem.
I look up the sky and I don't understand,
Why do stars seems prettier when they're actually smaller than the moon.
How they got so bright, such that they can guide me through my lost night.
Now I ask myself, after I stared into the mirror for five whole minutes,
Maybe I am inferior,
I think I am useless.
Maybe I don't fit in,
I think this is not where I should be.
The sense of belonging is just not there for me yet,
And sometimes I feel so whacked out that I hope no one bothers me.
I try to stop myself from thinking,
But everything I stop working,
These thoughts just start to pour in.
Is this what you call depression?
Is this what depression really is?
I have no idea but to ask myself this.
Why I have to go through all these,
Putting on a mask with a fake plastic arch smile,
Then seems to bend so much that I think now I'm blind.
Maybe it's a good tool for me to cover up my frown,
Maybe it's just a good way to fool everyone around.
I am in a complete lost of what I experimenting this time.
I feel so tired now, as I feel unwell.
I feel so giddy, as my headache starts to cast a spell.
I move away from work desk, but it don't seem to help.
Maybe the only way something would work,
Is for me to call for help.
But who can really bother and pull me up?
When what I know is that only I can help myself.
I refuse helping hands because I don't want them to be futile.
I don't want to waste people's time and energy,
Just to make myself feel better.
You may think it's hypocrisy,
But truly, that's what coming from me.
Now I'm really confused,
I can't seem to think.
Perhaps it's my lethargy,
That blocks everything.
Xin An, wake up now, for you ain't gonna sleep.
dunno how I felt
and dunno how I tend to dwell.
I feel crapped up enough now and things just ain't going well.
I try to sooth myself, telling me I'm better now,
But everything just ain't working well.
It sticks like glue,
Gets washed away with water,
Which proves everything just not strong.
The bond is weak, and now as I wondered if stars are what they seem.
I look up the sky and I don't understand,
Why do stars seems prettier when they're actually smaller than the moon.
How they got so bright, such that they can guide me through my lost night.
Now I ask myself, after I stared into the mirror for five whole minutes,
Maybe I am inferior,
I think I am useless.
Maybe I don't fit in,
I think this is not where I should be.
The sense of belonging is just not there for me yet,
And sometimes I feel so whacked out that I hope no one bothers me.
I try to stop myself from thinking,
But everything I stop working,
These thoughts just start to pour in.
Is this what you call depression?
Is this what depression really is?
I have no idea but to ask myself this.
Why I have to go through all these,
Putting on a mask with a fake plastic arch smile,
Then seems to bend so much that I think now I'm blind.
Maybe it's a good tool for me to cover up my frown,
Maybe it's just a good way to fool everyone around.
I am in a complete lost of what I experimenting this time.
I feel so tired now, as I feel unwell.
I feel so giddy, as my headache starts to cast a spell.
I move away from work desk, but it don't seem to help.
Maybe the only way something would work,
Is for me to call for help.
But who can really bother and pull me up?
When what I know is that only I can help myself.
I refuse helping hands because I don't want them to be futile.
I don't want to waste people's time and energy,
Just to make myself feel better.
You may think it's hypocrisy,
But truly, that's what coming from me.
Now I'm really confused,
I can't seem to think.
Perhaps it's my lethargy,
That blocks everything.
Xin An, wake up now, for you ain't gonna sleep.
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009
Fuck it.
I HAVE LEARNT THAT THIS IS NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE. I'LL TAKE MY LEAVE AT A VERY OPPORTUNITY AND NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME. FUCK IT.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Confused, Contented or Conned?
Imagine yourself falling off from a building itself, not to mention the resistance that you are getting at your face. That is what sometimes I feel but I don't know how to express it everytime. I don't know what should my next move be because I am really confused. Sometimes just being this way makes me contented because things don't really need a change and everyone is happy being like this. At times I feel like I'm being conned because things are really vague and blur to me that I can't seem to comprehend and understand things that goes on around and about me.
Now that I feel I am pulling out, but what I wanted at first was to not give up. Maybe things are not really what they seem, maybe situations may be more than what they really mean and maybe some stuffs are in the presence as the snake and never meant to be.
When you start to see yourself close to the ground and about to land face down, you may start to regret but in your mind and in your heart, you know it well that all these is too late to restart.
Now that I feel I am pulling out, but what I wanted at first was to not give up. Maybe things are not really what they seem, maybe situations may be more than what they really mean and maybe some stuffs are in the presence as the snake and never meant to be.
When you start to see yourself close to the ground and about to land face down, you may start to regret but in your mind and in your heart, you know it well that all these is too late to restart.
Sunday, 30 August 2009
The Hate Mail
Well here comes revolution
When I start to go against the constitution
And now I am so pissed I feel like kicking some people into prostitution.
There are whores around acting like they control the whole
What they don't see is what goes on because they don't look into the hole
All they see is just the whole
And this is making me tear up all big and small fucking holes.
What I have now seen
Have slowly make me become mean
I don't ever want to give anymore hint
Because you've all turn me into this me.
You gonna find this inhumane me
Tearing up upon me through these fucking skins
And now the small little decent me
Is just what you gonna miss
Because it is hiden beneath all the sins
And yes all the sins that I may soon commit.
I might be on a spree to go around rampaging
When people try to throw fucked up shit at me
I stop getting pissed
Instead I keep all up and wait for my chance to get crazy
Because on that day these fuckers gonna know what revolution means.
Time shall reveal everything
So please be patient and wait for the revelation.
When I start to go against the constitution
And now I am so pissed I feel like kicking some people into prostitution.
There are whores around acting like they control the whole
What they don't see is what goes on because they don't look into the hole
All they see is just the whole
And this is making me tear up all big and small fucking holes.
What I have now seen
Have slowly make me become mean
I don't ever want to give anymore hint
Because you've all turn me into this me.
You gonna find this inhumane me
Tearing up upon me through these fucking skins
And now the small little decent me
Is just what you gonna miss
Because it is hiden beneath all the sins
And yes all the sins that I may soon commit.
I might be on a spree to go around rampaging
When people try to throw fucked up shit at me
I stop getting pissed
Instead I keep all up and wait for my chance to get crazy
Because on that day these fuckers gonna know what revolution means.
Time shall reveal everything
So please be patient and wait for the revelation.
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Beautiful - Eminem
I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how or, why or when,I ended up in this position
I'm inI starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallowIn my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each others eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk inIt's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant
Tryna follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like
Haa! Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles
Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each others eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my ownI was never the type of kid
To wait by the door and pack his bags
Or sat on the porch and hoped and pray
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit inIn every single place
Every school I wentI dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face it'll stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson then cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each others shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet
Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each others eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
I just can seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how or, why or when,I ended up in this position
I'm inI starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallowIn my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
I'll be one tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each others eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you
I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk inIt's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need no fucking man servant
Tryna follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like
Haa! Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles
Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each others eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands we're dealt
We gotta take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my ownI was never the type of kid
To wait by the door and pack his bags
Or sat on the porch and hoped and pray
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit inIn every single place
Every school I wentI dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face it'll stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tongue on that frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson then cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each others shoes, at least
What size you where?
I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet
Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what It'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each others eyes
But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you
Maybe what you're seeing is a phantom me.
I sit on my porch and think,
Thinking about how I used to be.
I can never learn from my mistakes I guess,
Or maybe I do sometimes but things ain't right this time.
Maybe I was born a rebel,
Maybe that's what I really am.
I dun like people telling me what to do and controlling me like a puppet,
Because I only wish for a life by my own.
A pull at times are appreciated but not when people just keep screwing with you.
Hard cold facts came down hard,
And I mean hard enough to smash you apart.
Now I'm frustrated and shit,
My temper is getting the better of me.
I feel it's impossible for me to talk to anyone with peace now.
Because I lack of peace myself now,
And I'm really so damn pissed.
I tell myself to study,
And I end up playing.
I can't see myself studying,
Because I myself am not a motivational thing.
I try to find joy today in doing things.
But things just don't go well today for me.
Maybe declination and depressing times are setting in,
I guess I have no choice but to let it be.
Thinking about how I used to be.
I can never learn from my mistakes I guess,
Or maybe I do sometimes but things ain't right this time.
Maybe I was born a rebel,
Maybe that's what I really am.
I dun like people telling me what to do and controlling me like a puppet,
Because I only wish for a life by my own.
A pull at times are appreciated but not when people just keep screwing with you.
Hard cold facts came down hard,
And I mean hard enough to smash you apart.
Now I'm frustrated and shit,
My temper is getting the better of me.
I feel it's impossible for me to talk to anyone with peace now.
Because I lack of peace myself now,
And I'm really so damn pissed.
I tell myself to study,
And I end up playing.
I can't see myself studying,
Because I myself am not a motivational thing.
I try to find joy today in doing things.
But things just don't go well today for me.
Maybe declination and depressing times are setting in,
I guess I have no choice but to let it be.
Monday, 10 August 2009
I am still bored.
As I lay back and rest,
I feel the weight get heavier on my chest.
I tried to do my very best,
And now I feel like thrash.
Reason why I tried to be high as I can,
Is coz the feeling is like drugs that let me feel best.
I don't wanna carry on no more because I think I'm not in the mood to.
Anyways I think I shall leave everything to end here and I officially take my leave.
And maybe I will never be what I was in the past coz I changed my dream.
I feel the weight get heavier on my chest.
I tried to do my very best,
And now I feel like thrash.
Reason why I tried to be high as I can,
Is coz the feeling is like drugs that let me feel best.
I don't wanna carry on no more because I think I'm not in the mood to.
Anyways I think I shall leave everything to end here and I officially take my leave.
And maybe I will never be what I was in the past coz I changed my dream.
Friday, 7 August 2009
Really bored the fuck out.
I tried to say goodbye,
But I got no reply.
I wonder if one day I die,
Who will really cry.
Now that I had a stitch,
Due to my heart that had a glitch,
I got myself a brand new creed,
That I never get knocked down over by another bitch.
Because now I have realised that much,
What he said about sluts,
Now the words are starting to act up.
I never believed those statements,
But I guess now I've no choice but to.
Though I know I still can't get over you.
But I got no reply.
I wonder if one day I die,
Who will really cry.
Now that I had a stitch,
Due to my heart that had a glitch,
I got myself a brand new creed,
That I never get knocked down over by another bitch.
Because now I have realised that much,
What he said about sluts,
Now the words are starting to act up.
I never believed those statements,
But I guess now I've no choice but to.
Though I know I still can't get over you.
070809
Too many things happened,
Too little that I remembered.
I really forgot. And I dunno if I want to recall.
Argh. I dunno what's with me now.
Too little that I remembered.
I really forgot. And I dunno if I want to recall.
Argh. I dunno what's with me now.
Sunday, 12 July 2009
Wow.
Well, today's the whatever public performance. Not sure and don't care. Met GQ, Cedric, Elaine, Sherye and Zhe Ching for lunch first. Wanted to eat at lot one but dunno where. So went down causeway point and had burger king. Burger King suck. Yeah. Big time. Then finished, walked to Republic Poly, following others. Waste time there then went in auditorium. Watched the performance, played psp, messaged, left. Then slowly walked to causeway point for dinner. Went to pizza hut. LOL. Nothing much to say. Only that Cedric is a crazy kid. This is what he did to his pizza:
I would call this Cheese Pizza because the amount of cheese is pure crazy and I know it looks gross. Anyway, he also added so much pepper into my soup until it literally crystalized. Okay. Done with my post. Bye.
I would call this Cheese Pizza because the amount of cheese is pure crazy and I know it looks gross. Anyway, he also added so much pepper into my soup until it literally crystalized. Okay. Done with my post. Bye.
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Physics
Well, for starters I know I'm suppossed to be sleeping.
But physics really got the best of me.
For now I am thinking
Waves, amplitudes and frequency.
I don't get all these,
No not at the least bit.
Why are we made to study all these?
Now that my eyes are blurred
My mind is not clear,
And I talk with a slight slur,
I think there's really no point resuming anymore.
Doing all these confuses me.
All the effort and energy
Just go in and out of me.
And they move like so freely.
From electricity to light.
And now we have waves.
I don't get what the teacher had gave.
Her notes are difficult to comprehend,
Her notes are difficult to understand.
I just see them like hierogylphics,
And they see me just like terrorists.
I walk into class everyday, prepared for bombs to be dropped on me.
By the teachers or whoever, just so be it.
But what I'm not prepared for most,
Is the sudden change of preach.
I need time to absorb
I need time to digest.
I don't think we've enough time
Because everything is just plain pressed.
I'm like a time bomb,
Sounding like a alarm clock,
But deep down ready to explode,
Giving everyone a hell out of me.
They say that we have to relax,
But I don't see the time for it.
Not that there isn't a right time for it,
Just that there isn't enough time for this.
I wish to just go to sleep,
But physics just keep reappearing to me.
All the symbols and equations.
Formulas and units,
Just keep appearing when I try to get to sleep.
But physics really got the best of me.
For now I am thinking
Waves, amplitudes and frequency.
I don't get all these,
No not at the least bit.
Why are we made to study all these?
Now that my eyes are blurred
My mind is not clear,
And I talk with a slight slur,
I think there's really no point resuming anymore.
Doing all these confuses me.
All the effort and energy
Just go in and out of me.
And they move like so freely.
From electricity to light.
And now we have waves.
I don't get what the teacher had gave.
Her notes are difficult to comprehend,
Her notes are difficult to understand.
I just see them like hierogylphics,
And they see me just like terrorists.
I walk into class everyday, prepared for bombs to be dropped on me.
By the teachers or whoever, just so be it.
But what I'm not prepared for most,
Is the sudden change of preach.
I need time to absorb
I need time to digest.
I don't think we've enough time
Because everything is just plain pressed.
I'm like a time bomb,
Sounding like a alarm clock,
But deep down ready to explode,
Giving everyone a hell out of me.
They say that we have to relax,
But I don't see the time for it.
Not that there isn't a right time for it,
Just that there isn't enough time for this.
I wish to just go to sleep,
But physics just keep reappearing to me.
All the symbols and equations.
Formulas and units,
Just keep appearing when I try to get to sleep.
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
My blister,
Having nothing to do, i went to cut open my blister. This is what I got. :
See it? There somehow was a cut in the blister and so it was bleeding inside. It turned totally black and i went to cut open it. And yes. There's the blood clot over there. :D nice picture?
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
I'm back.
Okay people. I'm back. And yeah. Had been busy the past few days/weeks as you can see from the lack of post. And yes. I'm currently with a headache and giddiness and god knows where it came from. Well. Whatever. I give a damn no more. Keeping everything short and simple coz I still got things on my neck that needs to be done. And yeah. Will be posting when I have the time. One more thing. I sort of like the science centre CIP.
Saturday, 6 June 2009
Argh.
Okay. Imma get it straight set it straight.
I don't think I have any better platforms to express myself as of now already.
I really am feeling very lost, very confused, in my chamber of thoughts, feelings and I don't know what else.
I don't know how can things escalate or maybe evolve into this stage and I'm seriously questioning.
I think I killed myself. I as in my soul. The happy soul and the cheerful one. The playful one and the cheeky one.
I see myself taking sleeping pills, Valium down the road and I really don't want to get into rehab because of that.
Look. I have outlooks in life but seriously, what do all this really mean? Outlooks in life are totally worthless.
You see people smiling and giving you angelic faces in front of you, and talks bad about you just as you turn away and the devil pops out of them.
This is crazy and right now I'm feeling depressed.
I don't know what went wrong and what state of a mind am I in right now and I don't know which screw came loose.
I don't give a damn about comments now. Yes, not anymore. People can talk rubbish, bullshit, nonsense or what have you right in my face. Yes do it this way but I don't give a god damn fuck.
Say it behind me and you're a despicable piece of rat.
I don't know what's wrong with me actually saying all these things. You may think I'm just trying to get people read my blog and maybe some say I'm trying to act cool but I say fuck you.
I am dead serious and shit. I don't want to type no more.
I don't think I have any better platforms to express myself as of now already.
I really am feeling very lost, very confused, in my chamber of thoughts, feelings and I don't know what else.
I don't know how can things escalate or maybe evolve into this stage and I'm seriously questioning.
I think I killed myself. I as in my soul. The happy soul and the cheerful one. The playful one and the cheeky one.
I see myself taking sleeping pills, Valium down the road and I really don't want to get into rehab because of that.
Look. I have outlooks in life but seriously, what do all this really mean? Outlooks in life are totally worthless.
You see people smiling and giving you angelic faces in front of you, and talks bad about you just as you turn away and the devil pops out of them.
This is crazy and right now I'm feeling depressed.
I don't know what went wrong and what state of a mind am I in right now and I don't know which screw came loose.
I don't give a damn about comments now. Yes, not anymore. People can talk rubbish, bullshit, nonsense or what have you right in my face. Yes do it this way but I don't give a god damn fuck.
Say it behind me and you're a despicable piece of rat.
I don't know what's wrong with me actually saying all these things. You may think I'm just trying to get people read my blog and maybe some say I'm trying to act cool but I say fuck you.
I am dead serious and shit. I don't want to type no more.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
I dunno
I wonder if I made the right choice this time round.
I wonder if it's good for me to put it all down.
I wonder if this is a good decision made by me.
I wonder if this shit pile of load on my back will be shifted after this.
Maybe it can help me concentrate better.
Maybe it can help me relax better.
Maybe it can help me live life happier.
Maybe it can help me think better.
Maybe it can help me to be more logical.
Maybe it can wake me up to my senses.
From two days ago when I decided.
I was cool and sure that this was what I wanted.
But now thinking back to this matter,
Sometimes I really doubt my choices.
Something in my brain is telling me to.
Something in my heart is telling me not.
I don't know which to follow.
I don't know which is hollow.
I guess I'll just follow my soul.
And leave it all to fate.
I wonder if it's good for me to put it all down.
I wonder if this is a good decision made by me.
I wonder if this shit pile of load on my back will be shifted after this.
Maybe it can help me concentrate better.
Maybe it can help me relax better.
Maybe it can help me live life happier.
Maybe it can help me think better.
Maybe it can help me to be more logical.
Maybe it can wake me up to my senses.
From two days ago when I decided.
I was cool and sure that this was what I wanted.
But now thinking back to this matter,
Sometimes I really doubt my choices.
Something in my brain is telling me to.
Something in my heart is telling me not.
I don't know which to follow.
I don't know which is hollow.
I guess I'll just follow my soul.
And leave it all to fate.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
3rd
I feels that no one knows me.
Well, maybe just not anyone from my family.
I sort of hate my mum as of now. Period.
Yes. I do dislike her and maybe hate's too strong a word.
I don't see I call myself her son or maybe she calls me her son.
Because I don't think one who don't know his children well should be his parents.
Well both my parents don't know me well and that's for starters.
They don't know my likes, don't know my dislikes.
They know less than half of what I'm doing and they don't bother to find out more.
I don't see why they can be my parents and yes. I know I've two sisters before me but fuck it.
I always get the scoldings no matter what I do.
No one helps me, no one knows what justice.
I feel like this is a broken home.
Not because of any relationship problems, just that I find it hard to communicate within.
Now secondly, these shitheads are getting unreasonable.
Just because I'm raised by them and live off them, I simply got to listen to every single fucking thing they say.
They say I use too much of the desktop but hey I'm trying to work.
They only happen to walk by when I'm chilling and they say I'm gaming.
They don't see things I do and thus think that I didn't do the things they wanted me or thought I should do.
They think that I'm very relaxed, they think I'm easy.
They don't know that I'm often tensed up, nervous, in a shell.
But they do feel they know their son well.
I guess fuck it. In my heart, my parents are dead and what I talk to are just wax figures.
Well, maybe just not anyone from my family.
I sort of hate my mum as of now. Period.
Yes. I do dislike her and maybe hate's too strong a word.
I don't see I call myself her son or maybe she calls me her son.
Because I don't think one who don't know his children well should be his parents.
Well both my parents don't know me well and that's for starters.
They don't know my likes, don't know my dislikes.
They know less than half of what I'm doing and they don't bother to find out more.
I don't see why they can be my parents and yes. I know I've two sisters before me but fuck it.
I always get the scoldings no matter what I do.
No one helps me, no one knows what justice.
I feel like this is a broken home.
Not because of any relationship problems, just that I find it hard to communicate within.
Now secondly, these shitheads are getting unreasonable.
Just because I'm raised by them and live off them, I simply got to listen to every single fucking thing they say.
They say I use too much of the desktop but hey I'm trying to work.
They only happen to walk by when I'm chilling and they say I'm gaming.
They don't see things I do and thus think that I didn't do the things they wanted me or thought I should do.
They think that I'm very relaxed, they think I'm easy.
They don't know that I'm often tensed up, nervous, in a shell.
But they do feel they know their son well.
I guess fuck it. In my heart, my parents are dead and what I talk to are just wax figures.
2nd
Looks like I can't finish my chinese by today. I haven't even started and it's like 5pm now already. I'm feeling pretty messed up now and gosh. I've totally no damn bloody mood to write a chinese word. Suddenly I see myself on the verge of giving up already but no. I shall not let myself down already. Not anymore. Xin An. Quick get started and pick yourself up. These words are just that to fuck you up. You gotta move on and perform. No matter what might be going on in your oh so shitty mind.
I'm on the rocks
Alright. Few things happened since I last posted something that is more readable, in other words, about my life. Let's start with hmm. Let's see. Friday. Meet the Parents session first. It was fine for me but knowing my results, it was disastrous. I haven't met the requirements and I guess it's all due to me not really putting in effort. Holidays now is more of a Stay-Home-Self-Study kind of programme to me because I seriously think that 16th in class and 75th in cohort is really not very good for me. For starters, I'm going to aim high now. The higher I aim, I guess, the better results I would get. Of course. Nothing happens if I just sit and wait. For a record, I've started on my revision and stuffs. Now. Let's see. The weekends was quite wasted. Saturday went down to Kinokuniya and bought some books. And yes. No mistakes. I've now decided to pick up reading. B4 in English is seriously, how would I put it? Too low for me. After Kinokuniya, went to M'sia for my grandma's b'dae and stuffs like that. Oh yes. For once, I crashed into a wall and I swear that that is so damn bloody embarrassing. Yes. Went home Sunday evening and reached home around 11pm. If I haven't remembered wrongly, I comp-ed all the way till 1 plus and slept at 2. Monday wasn't very eventful after all. Just another day that would just come and go. Tuesday. Crystal Growing Workshop in the morning. Theory was boring, didn't get the person half the time. Practical was fine and easy. Finished the filtering and went off to Lot One. Walked around because of the time and library wasn't opened yet. Went up to the library at 11+ and all the seats were taken. Sat on the floor near the window and actually planned to do some serious business. Literature, Maths projects and stuff. But everyone was just in their own world and did nothing about the projects. After that went to Food Junction, lunch-ed and went home. Comp-ed, homework-ed and all that usual stuffs I would do. Shit. Now I'm feeling that my giddy spells are back.
Homework checklist
5) Heymath Benchmark 2
7) Lit project - 2 poems pending approval from group members
8) Physics - Homework not yet uploaded on litespeed
9) Chemistry - Science Research Project
10) Chinese Book Stuff
11) Chinese Newspaper Cutting
12) Chinese Newspaper Report
Guess I'll finish 10, 11 and 12 today:D
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
I'm hot on my head
Home is making me unwelcomed.
Going home everyday is starting to make me feel dumb.
Although my heart's starting to be numb.
But I really don't like feeling this dung.
I go home everyday and sit on the porch.
I go home everyday and there's no one on the porch.
I go home everyday and there's no one for me to have a good talk.
Even if anyone is home.
It just feels as if.
No one is home because.
We don't really talk.
It's starting to make me feel strange.
It's really becoming a bore.
Even when we talk.
It don't last for long.
Less than 100 lines a day.
I can only find pleasure in my earphones.
I feel like a stranger of my house.
I feel no sense of belonging.
I don't like coming home everyday after school.
After my events.
Come to think about myself.
I think after I've been thinking thru for quite some time.
I've resoluted and I think I'd really thought and reflected a lot already.
Now I'm feeling relaxed because I've decided to stop pursuing some things.
These things looks so uncatchable and so I'll stop and give myself peace.
Ain't revealing what I'm referring to because I just love to see you guess look at the mystery.
Going home everyday is starting to make me feel dumb.
Although my heart's starting to be numb.
But I really don't like feeling this dung.
I go home everyday and sit on the porch.
I go home everyday and there's no one on the porch.
I go home everyday and there's no one for me to have a good talk.
Even if anyone is home.
It just feels as if.
No one is home because.
We don't really talk.
It's starting to make me feel strange.
It's really becoming a bore.
Even when we talk.
It don't last for long.
Less than 100 lines a day.
I can only find pleasure in my earphones.
I feel like a stranger of my house.
I feel no sense of belonging.
I don't like coming home everyday after school.
After my events.
Come to think about myself.
I think after I've been thinking thru for quite some time.
I've resoluted and I think I'd really thought and reflected a lot already.
Now I'm feeling relaxed because I've decided to stop pursuing some things.
These things looks so uncatchable and so I'll stop and give myself peace.
Ain't revealing what I'm referring to because I just love to see you guess look at the mystery.
Friday, 29 May 2009
Here it comes.
The day is here.
It's here for a good cause.
I'm no longer going to fool.
I'm going to go for the best.
I'm going to work all the way.
Nobody's every going to be stopping me.
I must do my best. I'm in for a change.
Here's the revolution.
It's here for a good cause.
I'm no longer going to fool.
I'm going to go for the best.
I'm going to work all the way.
Nobody's every going to be stopping me.
I must do my best. I'm in for a change.
Here's the revolution.
Monday, 25 May 2009
Hi world
Okay. See my title.
Greet me back.
I'm feeling a lot happy,
Not a bit sad.
I dunno why, I dunno how.
Yeah. How on Earth I feel.
Feel what I'm actually feeling now.
I think God gave me this gift.
This gift of feeling happy.
Feeling happy of a gift.
Nah I dunno what I'm blabbering.
God made me happy and Imma cherish.
Cherish it and not let anyone take it.
No one's taking it unless I'm giving it.
Giving it to someone I think who needs it.
Who needs it refers to people.
People feeling a little bit upset.
A little bit upset, also known as unhappy.
I lost track of what I was saying.
Saying of what I had and what I want to have.
I'm seriously feeling like so good and kind hearted.
Tell me, tell me.
Ain't I an angel, ain't I a fairy?
God now it tells me I'm actually feeling like flying:D
Greet me back.
I'm feeling a lot happy,
Not a bit sad.
I dunno why, I dunno how.
Yeah. How on Earth I feel.
Feel what I'm actually feeling now.
I think God gave me this gift.
This gift of feeling happy.
Feeling happy of a gift.
Nah I dunno what I'm blabbering.
God made me happy and Imma cherish.
Cherish it and not let anyone take it.
No one's taking it unless I'm giving it.
Giving it to someone I think who needs it.
Who needs it refers to people.
People feeling a little bit upset.
A little bit upset, also known as unhappy.
I lost track of what I was saying.
Saying of what I had and what I want to have.
I'm seriously feeling like so good and kind hearted.
Tell me, tell me.
Ain't I an angel, ain't I a fairy?
God now it tells me I'm actually feeling like flying:D
Thursday, 21 May 2009
Blah
I'm seriously damn bloody bored now. I dunno why. Maybe it's quite wrong of a choice to not go for camp even if I'm sick. Damn bored now. Nothing much to do at 1430 of the day, just like any other day. I think I will be calling some random people out to do crazy stuffs dun care if I'm sick. Things are getting unpredictable. The tables have turned. Now having some quiet time by myself, I sit back and think. I consider some people as my closest, but somehow their actions seems to be telling me they're not worth my care afterall. I tried to treat them well but they want to screw me up and over. I never want to hurt no one but they want to step on my toes. Maybe that's their way of treating people well, but well, we never know them too well. Life's a mystery, life's a puzzle, but what can we do? What we can do is to sit back and wait and what we can't do is to live life as if we are all oh so paranoid. I'm going out later to play basketball. Provided my friend is free. Well, I just can't keep my ass at home coz it's such a bore. Okay. I'm starting to feel giddy already like again. Damn it. Will this stop? It's as if I took valium, xanax or ganja. Someone out there help me. Thank you.
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
bad day. maybe a bit good.
Today woke up in the morning, headache + giddy. Scraped thru breakfast then went to school for interhouse games liao. Play basketball and was real giddy. The post and all seemed like spinning to me. 1st match made it. Second one against 2A was feeling real bad enough already. Then lost. Thank you team mates for your support and co-operation. Thank you for your effort. We all tried. Thank you classmates for all your cheers and encouragement. But sorry we didn't made it thru. Well, then after that went back classroom to slack and the giddy feeling started to subside. After that went to the hall for maths paper. Well, when walking starting to feel giddy again. Then got bad maths paper, rectified some calculation errors with the teacher and done, went back to class. Mrs Lim came in not long after and stood to greet her. When sitting down, I suddenly froze there, completely blank, cannot make a sound, cannot hear a thing, and all I see was my table spinning there like the rims of a racing car. Got back Lit results and went home, I pratically staggered my way home when I walked from my house here the bus stop to home. Then quickly got bathed and change and cabbed down to CCK polyclinic to see doctor with my sis, coz she needs mc too. Then I got diagnosed with some infection thing in the ear, thus keep having this dizziness. Bus-ed down to The Heeren, got my Eminem album, Relapse, then went to Ngee Ann City with my sis walk walk bought books and then went to KFC eat. Yes I know that's bloody unhealthy. But nothing affordable to eat there alr. Then walk walk a while again, bus-ed to Lot One back then MRT home. Still feeling slightly giddy. Chatted a while online then now here blogging. I got MC no need go camp. YAY!
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
-.-
Yesterday was bloody fine for me. Today's results totally screwed me over. Ah. Mrs Lim absent. Lit still unknown. Ms Zizi also absent, only know part 2 results. Wow. That was sort of unexpected to me. I didn't actually thought I could go pass 30. Well. Chinese. Basically screwed up both my languages. But hey. I didn't actually thought I could get that high for Paper 2 (chinese). And I got 8th? LOL. I considering the number of ties, I think I should've been 9th or even 10th. English. Well. That's hell. Totally messed up kay. B4 ain't good and getting like 26th in class is totally hopeless for me alr. Science. Well. Lots of carelessness due to my nervous and being tensed up so much then. Still, didn;t expect my results, thought it gotta be lower. Basically, physics was hell. From A2 to C5 to A2. Phew. Chem was laced with traps which I fell into. Flunk it at 35/60. Science got a pathetic 65. B3-.- Geog, didn't really study, so I think the results was not really bad, considering that the people who I knew really studied had only a few marks higher than me. Well. Guess Imma pick myself up and start working towards the End Of Years. Good luck comrades.
Sunday, 17 May 2009
:D
Angels and Demons
Religion and Science
Christianity and Physics
Illuminati and Vatican
Swiss Guard and Vatican Police
Good and Evil
Right and Wrong
Facts and Myths
Yesterday and Today
Truth and Deceptions
Conciousness and Confusion
The Cheated and The Cheater
The Young and The Old
The Opened and The Narrow Minded
The Correct and The Misconception
The Misled and The Leader
The Leader and The Follower
The Academic and The Believers
:D
Religion and Science
Christianity and Physics
Illuminati and Vatican
Swiss Guard and Vatican Police
Good and Evil
Right and Wrong
Facts and Myths
Yesterday and Today
Truth and Deceptions
Conciousness and Confusion
The Cheated and The Cheater
The Young and The Old
The Opened and The Narrow Minded
The Correct and The Misconception
The Misled and The Leader
The Leader and The Follower
The Academic and The Believers
:D
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Friday, 15 May 2009
another one. also for fun. dun question. just bored.
I feel the world is just too fast for me.
Too fast for me to even try to go grab it.
It felt like only yesterday,
When I was starting to learn talking.
The papers recently pretty much screwed me over.
But I know I don't have anything to put the blame on,
Coz it was me who chose to keep the desktop on.
I chose to not study and slacked my ass.
And now I feel my results is going to be kick ass.
Let's skip that and get back to the non academics.
Coz maybe sometimes I really feel sick of it.
I don't want to go to school.
I really don't want to feel like a goondo.
But what have I to do?
But sit in and complain here.
I just can't figure the system out.
Because it's just so confusing.
Half the syllabus is not gon' be used.
By me in my future life at least.
And yes I know I'm a rebel but what made me this?
I'm sorry for always side tracking,
But it was really a huge bother to me.
I needed someone to talk to,
But nowadays people all seem so busy.
I try to keep myself busy sometimes,
So at least I will just stop thinking of stuffs.
But somehow I never am busy.
Because maybe I do things too fast.
But what the hell is wrong with it?
If I don't go fast I might slip.
But when I'm free and dun wanna do anything,
I will be like now doing this stupid thinking.
I tried to stop myself from posting all these.
But I'm sorry the impulse caught me.
I know my previous post few weeks back said I will no longer be doing these.
But I just can't stop myself from practising.
God please send someone to help me.
Maybe a psychiatrist of something.
Because I feel real tired in me.
I feel real messed up with me.
I feel that my ass is really bouncing of the walls within.
And to all you guys out there,
I am really grateful you will read till this.
Thank You.
Too fast for me to even try to go grab it.
It felt like only yesterday,
When I was starting to learn talking.
The papers recently pretty much screwed me over.
But I know I don't have anything to put the blame on,
Coz it was me who chose to keep the desktop on.
I chose to not study and slacked my ass.
And now I feel my results is going to be kick ass.
Let's skip that and get back to the non academics.
Coz maybe sometimes I really feel sick of it.
I don't want to go to school.
I really don't want to feel like a goondo.
But what have I to do?
But sit in and complain here.
I just can't figure the system out.
Because it's just so confusing.
Half the syllabus is not gon' be used.
By me in my future life at least.
And yes I know I'm a rebel but what made me this?
I'm sorry for always side tracking,
But it was really a huge bother to me.
I needed someone to talk to,
But nowadays people all seem so busy.
I try to keep myself busy sometimes,
So at least I will just stop thinking of stuffs.
But somehow I never am busy.
Because maybe I do things too fast.
But what the hell is wrong with it?
If I don't go fast I might slip.
But when I'm free and dun wanna do anything,
I will be like now doing this stupid thinking.
I tried to stop myself from posting all these.
But I'm sorry the impulse caught me.
I know my previous post few weeks back said I will no longer be doing these.
But I just can't stop myself from practising.
God please send someone to help me.
Maybe a psychiatrist of something.
Because I feel real tired in me.
I feel real messed up with me.
I feel that my ass is really bouncing of the walls within.
And to all you guys out there,
I am really grateful you will read till this.
Thank You.
some emo post. for fun.
Hmm. Hmm.
Now I'm in this stupid mood again.
And long time I expressed it here since.
About two months or something.
I watch the rain pour down.
I felt my heart fell down.
I was really tensed, I was really down.
I never wanted to believe but now it was my mistake.
As I listen to the songs.
As I watch my screen.
I couldn't help but think.
I couldn't help but ponder.
I really wish I could fall asleep earlier in the nights.
Nights been long for me.
Nights been stupid for me.
Nights been messed up for me.
Maybe because I just can't fall asleep.
For some reason I guess.
Because they just keep reappearing.
I want to stop.
But it just won't listen to me.
I watch people around me laugh.
And I felt I was the joke.
Maybe I was paranoid.
Maybe I thought too much.
I tried to avoid any eye contact,
In case it opens any conversation like I want that.
I'm sorry Eminem, that was referenced from you.
I watched the cars outside my window as they zoomed passed me.
I couldn't help but think how much behind I'm in.
The world is moving on so fast,
And I dun think I can catch up, oh my arse.
I dunno what goes on in my mind sometimes,
It's just such a mystery,
Such a gift.
Gift from Satan to torture me.
To lead me into my misery.
I tried to pull myself back,
I tried to not lift a fist.
But you just wouldn't leave me alone and continue stepping on my feet.
I'm really sorry but I've to do that in case anybody would want to give me a kick.
When I start relaxing and start getting laid back,
The sound of the speed around the world never failed to get me.
This world just never sleeps and but I need a rest.
Honestly I'm sick of this, tired of this and gonna die of this.
Noises around me seems to irritate me.
But I somehow like to make noise to irritate people.
I wish I could stop.
But I myself couldn't even control myself.
What am I gon' do?
Someone please guide me thru.
I do never want to offend anyone,
But I find people having beefs with me.
I'm sorry for this but you still want to pounce on me.
What the fuck.
What sort of life is this?
Now I'm in this stupid mood again.
And long time I expressed it here since.
About two months or something.
I watch the rain pour down.
I felt my heart fell down.
I was really tensed, I was really down.
I never wanted to believe but now it was my mistake.
As I listen to the songs.
As I watch my screen.
I couldn't help but think.
I couldn't help but ponder.
I really wish I could fall asleep earlier in the nights.
Nights been long for me.
Nights been stupid for me.
Nights been messed up for me.
Maybe because I just can't fall asleep.
For some reason I guess.
Because they just keep reappearing.
I want to stop.
But it just won't listen to me.
I watch people around me laugh.
And I felt I was the joke.
Maybe I was paranoid.
Maybe I thought too much.
I tried to avoid any eye contact,
In case it opens any conversation like I want that.
I'm sorry Eminem, that was referenced from you.
I watched the cars outside my window as they zoomed passed me.
I couldn't help but think how much behind I'm in.
The world is moving on so fast,
And I dun think I can catch up, oh my arse.
I dunno what goes on in my mind sometimes,
It's just such a mystery,
Such a gift.
Gift from Satan to torture me.
To lead me into my misery.
I tried to pull myself back,
I tried to not lift a fist.
But you just wouldn't leave me alone and continue stepping on my feet.
I'm really sorry but I've to do that in case anybody would want to give me a kick.
When I start relaxing and start getting laid back,
The sound of the speed around the world never failed to get me.
This world just never sleeps and but I need a rest.
Honestly I'm sick of this, tired of this and gonna die of this.
Noises around me seems to irritate me.
But I somehow like to make noise to irritate people.
I wish I could stop.
But I myself couldn't even control myself.
What am I gon' do?
Someone please guide me thru.
I do never want to offend anyone,
But I find people having beefs with me.
I'm sorry for this but you still want to pounce on me.
What the fuck.
What sort of life is this?
Thursday, 14 May 2009
-.-
physics killed me. one more paper left. Comrades. Let's do well tomorrow. The final battle for this mid year. :D I'm bored.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Friday, 8 May 2009
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Maybe the last.
hmm. i want to be a non-human. A mutant. lalalalalala. I've decided to not be a human. Bye earth.
Friday, 1 May 2009
Hello.
Hello. Things have changed but somethings remains the same. Nevermind. I don't think anyone would get it also.
Thursday, 30 April 2009
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Damn it. Today somehow very high. As though i took some ecstacy. Yes. I'm still high now. bleah. I mean. I'm bored.:D
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
:D
Wow. So fast. English mid years is finished and coming up next friday would be lit, and soon, next next friday, maths will come up and they will be post exam activities. Time flies doesn't it? Soon it will be year end and come next year everyone will be on their own lives. I want to cherish this moment now and i seriously would not want any beefs with anyone in the class at anytime from now, you know. I finally realised what's friendship and what's ties. But but but I really dun want to fight for now. I'm trying hard as I can to press it down. Unless you want to lift it up then I take no step back.
15May planning watch movie after last paper. Who want go? Movie will be decided then. Oh yeah. Dun jio me out so often. I broke liao and also, I want buy relapse on 19May one.
Wa lao. June holidays so packed. But i know many of you got worse schedules. Crystal growing and science centre are confirmed. LOTS of homework and projects are anticipated. LOTS of revision is predicted due to my foreseen mid years results. LOTS of reflection may be done.
Hmm. What about entertainment now? Listen to Relapse 24/7? I seriously dunno dunno dunno. I swear i dunno.
And this is to all those out there who keeps saying that I am gay.
Fuck you all. I seriously am pissed now. *Refer to on top again*. You get me? If you think you can do better, you do it. If you think you're more man, show me. If you think you're not a gay, prove it. Fuck you all pussies who call me sissy.
15May planning watch movie after last paper. Who want go? Movie will be decided then. Oh yeah. Dun jio me out so often. I broke liao and also, I want buy relapse on 19May one.
Wa lao. June holidays so packed. But i know many of you got worse schedules. Crystal growing and science centre are confirmed. LOTS of homework and projects are anticipated. LOTS of revision is predicted due to my foreseen mid years results. LOTS of reflection may be done.
Hmm. What about entertainment now? Listen to Relapse 24/7? I seriously dunno dunno dunno. I swear i dunno.
And this is to all those out there who keeps saying that I am gay.
Fuck you all. I seriously am pissed now. *Refer to on top again*. You get me? If you think you can do better, you do it. If you think you're more man, show me. If you think you're not a gay, prove it. Fuck you all pussies who call me sissy.
Monday, 27 April 2009
:D
for now. due to time constraints, entertain yourself with this first. okay. imagine madonna is here. singing. lalalallalalallalalalal alallalalallalalala llalalalalalalalla. bored? okay. now imagine eminem is here rapping. rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah still bored? go and masturbate. bye:D
Friday, 24 April 2009
zzz
I'm bored. People. Stop pissing me off. :D Oh ya. The pathetic grouchy nerdy jie wei got owned. :D
Friday, 17 April 2009
RAH!
Okay. So I'm like so bored now la. Damn it. Damn sian. Stupid camp. Stupidly boring. Retarded science. Makes me retarded.
FAM WEIIXEN AND MARCUS PHUA. I dunno if you'll be seeing this. But you're both damn it guai lan. You're super lame ass clowns! DAMN YOU! RAH! LOLOLOLOLOL.
I dunno why I'm doing this. Maybe coz I'm bored. HOW HOW HOW?! SOMEONE ENTERTAIN ME PLEASE. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Oh yes. I wanted to blog ytd one. But stupid blogspot said server down so I bo pian today then blog. But somehow I forgot what I wanted to blog yesterday and so too bad lor. Blame blogspot. :P
FAM WEIIXEN AND MARCUS PHUA. I dunno if you'll be seeing this. But you're both damn it guai lan. You're super lame ass clowns! DAMN YOU! RAH! LOLOLOLOLOL.
I dunno why I'm doing this. Maybe coz I'm bored. HOW HOW HOW?! SOMEONE ENTERTAIN ME PLEASE. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Oh yes. I wanted to blog ytd one. But stupid blogspot said server down so I bo pian today then blog. But somehow I forgot what I wanted to blog yesterday and so too bad lor. Blame blogspot. :P
Monday, 13 April 2009
blah blah blah blah:D:D:D:D
Wow. I just realised the stupid peace is such a bother. I think Imma initiate war against M'sia, conquer it and then get CIP. See. Citizen initiated CIP. SERVICE TO THE NATION. YES. IF THERE'S A WAR, I WILL BE THE FIRST TO RUN THE FRONTLINE. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Okay, enough of crap. You know I love peace, I support the United Nations. :D:D:D:D:D:D
Ah crap. I gon' miss a shit load of lessons( core subjects) due to NCC camp and my mid years is like less than 2 weeks away I guess? WHO CAN TUTOR ME?! Allah, Jesus, Buddha and God. Help me:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I so good and kind and innocent and pure and so lovely. Certainly you'll help me tide thru my crisis now won't you? Aww, don't say no please I'm begging you. I haven't started revising and I'm full of crap AND I KNOW. I feel tired now and then la. Please please please. Allah, Jesus, Buddha and God. Please give me unlimited supply of energy like as if my blood is Red Bull. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I swear I will worship you all with ROASTED PORK if you help me. And yes. I know you guys love them. They taste nice don't they? :D:D:D
Okay, enough of crap. You know I love peace, I support the United Nations. :D:D:D:D:D:D
Ah crap. I gon' miss a shit load of lessons( core subjects) due to NCC camp and my mid years is like less than 2 weeks away I guess? WHO CAN TUTOR ME?! Allah, Jesus, Buddha and God. Help me:D:D:D:D:D:D:D I so good and kind and innocent and pure and so lovely. Certainly you'll help me tide thru my crisis now won't you? Aww, don't say no please I'm begging you. I haven't started revising and I'm full of crap AND I KNOW. I feel tired now and then la. Please please please. Allah, Jesus, Buddha and God. Please give me unlimited supply of energy like as if my blood is Red Bull. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I swear I will worship you all with ROASTED PORK if you help me. And yes. I know you guys love them. They taste nice don't they? :D:D:D
Saturday, 11 April 2009
-.-
My gosh. PLEASE. BLOGSKIN.COM so difficult find boyish blog skin. like all for girls sia. how how how?
Friday, 10 April 2009
WOW.
Bow-wow. Now I'm starting to see. But wait. Was I that bad last time? I changed my URL and blogskin and blog content then people start tagging. -.- I didn't expect myself to be so bad last time. Or am I?? RAH!!!! Okay. I'm damn bored. Who can entertain me?? Please msn/sms me. :D:D
No. 156
Hmm.. So I'm like thinking. Wow. What had I been doing in the past. I was like wasting my stuff on all those kind of things. I'm now starting a fresh. But those post will still remain there. I'm sorry but I'm plain lazy to take them all out. You gotta know. Yes. I no longer want to fuck the planet or whatever. So. Very sorry. You see, people. I'm trying hard here to stay happy. Don't come and piss me off again. Please. Thank you. This new skin looks better right? As in happier. If it does, then happier = better = thanks from me to you. I certainly hope more people will come over here and leave a tag or so because my previous one was totally screwed up and the number of people coming was totally disappointing to me. I promise. If more people come and proof by tagging, I will post as much as I can, of course, provided I have the time. Thank you very much.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
zzz
Sometimes I'm really random.
Sometimes I feel really sick.
Like now.
Rah.
Sometimes time seems to crawl,
But when I'm happy, it just goes off in a blink of an eye.):
Sometimes I feel really sick.
Like now.
Rah.
Sometimes time seems to crawl,
But when I'm happy, it just goes off in a blink of an eye.):
Monday, 30 March 2009
Potatoes are thrown away
Damn this ass,
I feel so bad.
I wanted to update,
But I just can't make.
Yeah. Make some crazy shit that some dude did.
Like how some niggers got their ass kicked.
I see how some people are deserted rotting away.
Like how some rotten potatoes are thrown away.
God damn it.
I'm bored.
I just wanted to update.
But I got bloody mental block now.
I'm sorry.
Good bye
I feel so bad.
I wanted to update,
But I just can't make.
Yeah. Make some crazy shit that some dude did.
Like how some niggers got their ass kicked.
I see how some people are deserted rotting away.
Like how some rotten potatoes are thrown away.
God damn it.
I'm bored.
I just wanted to update.
But I got bloody mental block now.
I'm sorry.
Good bye
Friday, 27 March 2009
I'm back.
Hello everybody
Coz I'm back here talking crap.
Oh wait a minute
It's not crap that I talk
Coz I talk some serious facts.
I just feel like venting everything out now.
But I just dun really want to hurt no one.
Everytime I close my eyes, my mind starts to think.
Like as if it's in automatic mode or something.
Fuck this automatic shit.
Just get me a semi-automatic shit.
I dun wanna think about all this stuffs that I always think.
For now I guess.
I dun wanna go around with stupid smile or laugh on my face
And all this seems so ingenuine.
I dun wanna start to hurt people when they really cross the line.
But seriously, I have no choice.
Give me a loaded Desert Eagle as my birthday gift.
And maybe my gift for myself would be something crazy.
A shot in the head, the neck or something.
All this is the only solution to my problems I think.
What I can only do now, all that I can rely on
I guess is but hatred and Satan's help.
Maybe hatred my make my days shorter.
And Satan would take my demons away,
Maybe along with me, coz I'm sick of living.
Coz I'm back here talking crap.
Oh wait a minute
It's not crap that I talk
Coz I talk some serious facts.
I just feel like venting everything out now.
But I just dun really want to hurt no one.
Everytime I close my eyes, my mind starts to think.
Like as if it's in automatic mode or something.
Fuck this automatic shit.
Just get me a semi-automatic shit.
I dun wanna think about all this stuffs that I always think.
For now I guess.
I dun wanna go around with stupid smile or laugh on my face
And all this seems so ingenuine.
I dun wanna start to hurt people when they really cross the line.
But seriously, I have no choice.
Give me a loaded Desert Eagle as my birthday gift.
And maybe my gift for myself would be something crazy.
A shot in the head, the neck or something.
All this is the only solution to my problems I think.
What I can only do now, all that I can rely on
I guess is but hatred and Satan's help.
Maybe hatred my make my days shorter.
And Satan would take my demons away,
Maybe along with me, coz I'm sick of living.
Saturday, 21 March 2009
heck.
I now feel so cheated and just as duped.
I was right serious when I actually first asked you.
I was told one but now I know,
Your meaning deep down inside is but a two.
I bloody hate people who tell their lies,
Just to assure people their alright.
And you actually toyed my mind,
And now you're seeing me right there down and out.
When you wanna bloody lie to me next time,
I'm just simply asking you to take a pistol,
Load it, cock it and blast it through my brain.
I'm sick of this. Kill me. Mothafuckas.
I was right serious when I actually first asked you.
I was told one but now I know,
Your meaning deep down inside is but a two.
I bloody hate people who tell their lies,
Just to assure people their alright.
And you actually toyed my mind,
And now you're seeing me right there down and out.
When you wanna bloody lie to me next time,
I'm just simply asking you to take a pistol,
Load it, cock it and blast it through my brain.
I'm sick of this. Kill me. Mothafuckas.
Friday, 20 March 2009
I sit in front of my 22 inch.
Thinking of something that's suitable to type in.
Not too out, not too in.
Not too much of upset also not too happy a thing.
I try to keep everything within me,
But it seems that I can explode any minute.
I'm thinking of crushing myself,
But I want a gun.
I wanna put a bullet through my brain.
I wanna put my life to an end.
I wanna put up a notice.
I wanna put things to a stop.
I'm sick of my life.
Suicidal lines are so nice to me now.
Say that I'm feigning emo.
But frankly, I'm sick of that smiley face mask of mine.
I wanna stop joking.
I wanna show people how serious I can be.
I wanna let the whole world know that.
I wanna put an end to this.
P/S: I'm serious about this.
Thinking of something that's suitable to type in.
Not too out, not too in.
Not too much of upset also not too happy a thing.
I try to keep everything within me,
But it seems that I can explode any minute.
I'm thinking of crushing myself,
But I want a gun.
I wanna put a bullet through my brain.
I wanna put my life to an end.
I wanna put up a notice.
I wanna put things to a stop.
I'm sick of my life.
Suicidal lines are so nice to me now.
Say that I'm feigning emo.
But frankly, I'm sick of that smiley face mask of mine.
I wanna stop joking.
I wanna show people how serious I can be.
I wanna let the whole world know that.
I wanna put an end to this.
P/S: I'm serious about this.
Saturday, 14 March 2009
...
I think I will just keep them all bottled up.
I dun see the point of revealing anymore.
No more revelation from me.
I dun see the point of revealing anymore.
No more revelation from me.
number 148
I think I'm bleeding in the brain.
Coz it seems that my thoughts are all drained.
I really don't know if I should say,
But whenever I want to let it out,
Something's holding me up.
If only I had a little more courage,
If only I had a little more guts.
If only I had a little more effort,
If only I had a little more luck.
I totally hate this period of my life.
It's a total pain.
I know I'm the envy of many busy people.
But I'm totally sick of my monotony.
Will someone out there please help me?
What should I do next?
I know it clear that less than 10 people will be reading this,
But all I need is an answer.
Should I?
Or should I not?
Coz it seems that my thoughts are all drained.
I really don't know if I should say,
But whenever I want to let it out,
Something's holding me up.
If only I had a little more courage,
If only I had a little more guts.
If only I had a little more effort,
If only I had a little more luck.
I totally hate this period of my life.
It's a total pain.
I know I'm the envy of many busy people.
But I'm totally sick of my monotony.
Will someone out there please help me?
What should I do next?
I know it clear that less than 10 people will be reading this,
But all I need is an answer.
Should I?
Or should I not?
Friday, 6 March 2009
Random
As I sit by the road and watch the cars,
They zoom pass me quick and fast.
Is it me or the world?
Because I just can't seem to catch up with time.
All I could do now is just sit and wait.
I'm seriously lost in this ever fast moving urban life.
All I wanted was to be moving as fast.
But I'm just seriously tired to move on now.
I make it a point to hang in there.
But my arms seem insecure.
I'm hanging on a cliff now,
And all I need is someone's helping hand.
They zoom pass me quick and fast.
Is it me or the world?
Because I just can't seem to catch up with time.
All I could do now is just sit and wait.
I'm seriously lost in this ever fast moving urban life.
All I wanted was to be moving as fast.
But I'm just seriously tired to move on now.
I make it a point to hang in there.
But my arms seem insecure.
I'm hanging on a cliff now,
And all I need is someone's helping hand.
Saturday, 28 February 2009
:D
Okay. as long as that post? and not emo? fine.
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
Happy?
Not happy?
Nevermind.
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
Still not happy?
Okay.
More words are coming up.
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
Long enough?
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
I'm a happy man:D
Happy?
Not happy?
Nevermind.
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
I'm a very happy man:D
Still not happy?
Okay.
More words are coming up.
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
I'm a very super happy man:D
Long enough?
Friday, 27 February 2009
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Something's Wrong
So just what's wrong with me?
What's my condition of my body?
I've never really understand it,
But it just seems so creepy.
I dunno why I'm on this page,
Maybe my montony's eating me up.
I dun wanna blog.
And I'm really not interested in it.
But someway somehow,
I'm here typing the fuck outta me.
If I ever get something better to do.
I think I will quit this once and for good.
I'm running out of words.
And it's getting me crazy.
Ah fuck it.
The end is here.
What's my condition of my body?
I've never really understand it,
But it just seems so creepy.
I dunno why I'm on this page,
Maybe my montony's eating me up.
I dun wanna blog.
And I'm really not interested in it.
But someway somehow,
I'm here typing the fuck outta me.
If I ever get something better to do.
I think I will quit this once and for good.
I'm running out of words.
And it's getting me crazy.
Ah fuck it.
The end is here.
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
It's mixed
I dun understand my class well.
Or maybe it's they who dun understand me well.
Hollering about crap people wouldn't want to hear.
Hollering about crap that'll make people so ill.
It's just revolting when you see things as it really is.
The used to have sound of joy and laughter.
Are all seemingly going down the killer.
Why have everyone went there own ways?
Where are the used to have unity?
What is there seperating us from each other?
How can we actually end up like this?
The usual good friends who walked around together,
Now we just do nothing with each other,
Except for maybe dissing each other.
I don't ever think anyone wanted it this way.
I don't ever think anyone did wish for this.
I don't ever think anyone tried to made it this way.
I don't ever think anyone caused all the diss.
Maybe it's just us,
Because we don't click as usual.
And we don't even bother.
But seriously, it's killing me.
I don't wanna give the fuck up.
I don't wanna give the fuck in.
I may someday just throw everything up.
But I don't anyone cares because it's just none of other's business.
Or maybe it's they who dun understand me well.
Hollering about crap people wouldn't want to hear.
Hollering about crap that'll make people so ill.
It's just revolting when you see things as it really is.
The used to have sound of joy and laughter.
Are all seemingly going down the killer.
Why have everyone went there own ways?
Where are the used to have unity?
What is there seperating us from each other?
How can we actually end up like this?
The usual good friends who walked around together,
Now we just do nothing with each other,
Except for maybe dissing each other.
I don't ever think anyone wanted it this way.
I don't ever think anyone did wish for this.
I don't ever think anyone tried to made it this way.
I don't ever think anyone caused all the diss.
Maybe it's just us,
Because we don't click as usual.
And we don't even bother.
But seriously, it's killing me.
I don't wanna give the fuck up.
I don't wanna give the fuck in.
I may someday just throw everything up.
But I don't anyone cares because it's just none of other's business.
Monday, 23 February 2009
fucked up
Why does it seems that things I do the right way,
Seems to me that it always end up on the wrong track?
It gives me such a bad impression that I never wanna do the same again.
They say that if there's a test you should've studied for it.
But fuck it. I swear I did study for my maths test.
And what happened in the end?
The paper was fucked up and killed my confidence.
1+1 is supposed to be 2 right?
But it just seems like.
When I write 2,
The right answer would be 3.
I can't blame anyone and that's what I know.
Maybe I only have myself to blame.
Somethings I dun really know
But I just dun wanna let go.
Okay. I swear I need a retest for maths and DnT. It's totally crap.
Damn. Why is it like this? Issit really the Murphy's law theory?
What can go wrong will go wrong?
Seems to me that it always end up on the wrong track?
It gives me such a bad impression that I never wanna do the same again.
They say that if there's a test you should've studied for it.
But fuck it. I swear I did study for my maths test.
And what happened in the end?
The paper was fucked up and killed my confidence.
1+1 is supposed to be 2 right?
But it just seems like.
When I write 2,
The right answer would be 3.
I can't blame anyone and that's what I know.
Maybe I only have myself to blame.
Somethings I dun really know
But I just dun wanna let go.
Okay. I swear I need a retest for maths and DnT. It's totally crap.
Damn. Why is it like this? Issit really the Murphy's law theory?
What can go wrong will go wrong?
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Sigh
Sometimes I just keep thinking.
Sometimes I just can't stop thinking.
I need someone's great enlightening.
Please get me out of my dwelling and I'll be saying words of thanks.
I sometimes really do feel like giving up.
But I sometimes don't know why I should keep up.
I'm seriously in need of someone's help.
To get me started on this big deal.
God damn it.
I feel like I'm hanging on the cliff.
My hands get tired and wants to release.
Please someone get over and help me.
To whack my hands with a rock,
Or at least give me a pull to get me back.
Sometimes I just can't stop thinking.
I need someone's great enlightening.
Please get me out of my dwelling and I'll be saying words of thanks.
I sometimes really do feel like giving up.
But I sometimes don't know why I should keep up.
I'm seriously in need of someone's help.
To get me started on this big deal.
God damn it.
I feel like I'm hanging on the cliff.
My hands get tired and wants to release.
Please someone get over and help me.
To whack my hands with a rock,
Or at least give me a pull to get me back.
Friday, 6 February 2009
I dunno
Been busy and all for the past few days.
Having mental blocks for the past few weeks.
So sorry for the lack of post for the past few days.
Didn't have the inspiration to come up with a rhyme or two,
So i'm just gon' get down to some point of a low grade shit.
Or maybe something like it.
Just been thinking recently.
So much so for the distractions.
I'll need some help to get me to focus so things that need my attention will certainly be there with the biggest attraction.
I would give you the attitude that I've hidden,
If you ever get me bitten.
I will kick your ass.
If you ever come and get mine kicked.
People. Don't fuck with me.
And I will certainly leave you alone.
Having mental blocks for the past few weeks.
So sorry for the lack of post for the past few days.
Didn't have the inspiration to come up with a rhyme or two,
So i'm just gon' get down to some point of a low grade shit.
Or maybe something like it.
Just been thinking recently.
So much so for the distractions.
I'll need some help to get me to focus so things that need my attention will certainly be there with the biggest attraction.
I would give you the attitude that I've hidden,
If you ever get me bitten.
I will kick your ass.
If you ever come and get mine kicked.
People. Don't fuck with me.
And I will certainly leave you alone.
Monday, 2 February 2009
Oh hello?
Fuck. This shit is boring.
How can i ever stop my boredom.
As in stop let my self get more freedom.
Heck. I'm like a eagle kept in a room.
I waiting for the door to open.
So I can then finally fly on the random.
For once I feel so tied down.
I feel tired and tries to back down.
But I know I've to perservere and not duck down.
How can i ever stop my boredom.
As in stop let my self get more freedom.
Heck. I'm like a eagle kept in a room.
I waiting for the door to open.
So I can then finally fly on the random.
For once I feel so tied down.
I feel tired and tries to back down.
But I know I've to perservere and not duck down.
Friday, 30 January 2009
Number 136
He sees the chance and he's not letting up.
He'll never ever again let the chance run.
He needs strength, support and luck.
To capture everything that's useful for him in the long run.
But God knows if he can do it.
For any mistake is gon' be costly.
He got no room for that shit.
If he wants to survive this.
He gon' push all the way.
And try to do what's best.
Never giving up nor reversing.
And that's the spirit living in him.
He'll never ever again let the chance run.
He needs strength, support and luck.
To capture everything that's useful for him in the long run.
But God knows if he can do it.
For any mistake is gon' be costly.
He got no room for that shit.
If he wants to survive this.
He gon' push all the way.
And try to do what's best.
Never giving up nor reversing.
And that's the spirit living in him.
Friday, 23 January 2009
Oh hello.
Sup people. This gon' be my 135th post.
It's been thru coldhater.bs/ in-hot-water.bs/ drink-whiskey.bs.
And now. it's the same damn fuck the planet.
God damn it. I'm suddenly feeling so high.
Most importantly, I dun even know why.
Someone help me please.
Help me from my state.
Before I start dancing.
Yeah. Dancing out in the streets.
I feel as though I just took two dose of ecstacy.
And I'm high like fuck.
I just feel like screaming my head and whack some butt.
God damn. For those who wants to help but can't.
Sorry but thanks.
For you know that I'm just kidding!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's been thru coldhater.bs/ in-hot-water.bs/ drink-whiskey.bs.
And now. it's the same damn fuck the planet.
God damn it. I'm suddenly feeling so high.
Most importantly, I dun even know why.
Someone help me please.
Help me from my state.
Before I start dancing.
Yeah. Dancing out in the streets.
I feel as though I just took two dose of ecstacy.
And I'm high like fuck.
I just feel like screaming my head and whack some butt.
God damn. For those who wants to help but can't.
Sorry but thanks.
For you know that I'm just kidding!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Damn. I gon' kill you.
God damn it. This is just simply fucked up.
Why am I always placed in front?
Like what the fuck.
Am I that bloody short?
Can you explain why?
Why do people shorter than me,
GET TO SIT BEHIND ME AND I'M ALWAYS STUCK IN FRONT?!
FUCK THIS ARRANGEMENT!
I'M BLOODY UNHAPPY!
I DUN EVEN CARE IF THIS WORDS DO RHYME ANYMORE
COZ IN MY HEART, ALL I KNOW IS THAT.
I HATE YOU.
GOD DAMN IT. I'M SO PISSED THAT I DUNNO
I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY. BUT THSI NARROWED MY VOCABULARY
DOWN TO TWO WORDS. AND THAT IS
FUCK YOU!
Why am I always placed in front?
Like what the fuck.
Am I that bloody short?
Can you explain why?
Why do people shorter than me,
GET TO SIT BEHIND ME AND I'M ALWAYS STUCK IN FRONT?!
FUCK THIS ARRANGEMENT!
I'M BLOODY UNHAPPY!
I DUN EVEN CARE IF THIS WORDS DO RHYME ANYMORE
COZ IN MY HEART, ALL I KNOW IS THAT.
I HATE YOU.
GOD DAMN IT. I'M SO PISSED THAT I DUNNO
I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY. BUT THSI NARROWED MY VOCABULARY
DOWN TO TWO WORDS. AND THAT IS
FUCK YOU!
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
I just don't understand.
Why have things gotten to what it is now?
Why didn't you stop when I told you to.
Why did you just keep carrying on?
And maybe that's because you want to see me pissed off.
From now one, I have resoluted.
I will never give a fuck no more.
To whatever shit you have to blabber about.
Getting angry will only harm my own body.
I rather treat you as some one.
Non existent, and live my own life.
But. I never want things to turn out this way.
We look into the face no more,
And I'll just play Satan in your activities.
All we can see in each other is hate,
And I really hate it this way.
I know you not gon' see it,
But this is just my venting.
No matter what, I will not give in.
Since I've set out this demonic path,
I will never want to give up.
You want me to apologise,
You can wait for your life.
I'm not gonna let this rest easy
Like I used to just let go previously.
Don't you worry. I swear.
You gonna see the worst of me.
Why didn't you stop when I told you to.
Why did you just keep carrying on?
And maybe that's because you want to see me pissed off.
From now one, I have resoluted.
I will never give a fuck no more.
To whatever shit you have to blabber about.
Getting angry will only harm my own body.
I rather treat you as some one.
Non existent, and live my own life.
But. I never want things to turn out this way.
We look into the face no more,
And I'll just play Satan in your activities.
All we can see in each other is hate,
And I really hate it this way.
I know you not gon' see it,
But this is just my venting.
No matter what, I will not give in.
Since I've set out this demonic path,
I will never want to give up.
You want me to apologise,
You can wait for your life.
I'm not gonna let this rest easy
Like I used to just let go previously.
Don't you worry. I swear.
You gonna see the worst of me.
Monday, 19 January 2009
ARGH!
I never want to be this way,
But the people keep getting in my way.
I may turn into Satan someday,
When-this is what we can't say.
I act like I've no problem in life,
But my pressure keeps piling,
The teachers' expectations keep rising.
I can't keep my head straight or right,
And I can no more differentiate between right or wrong.
I want to move on,
But there're bound to be obstacles.
I try to get them away,
But they just don't budge but stay.
Sometimes I just wondered what the fuck is wrong with me.
Don't worry it'll get over someday.
I try to look at my front,
But the sides are my distractions.
I know I can't stay.
I know I can't remain the same.
But I certainly need time to advance.
I promise that when I see a chance,
Imma grab it and not let down.
Yeah. I'm not gonna let myself down.
But the people keep getting in my way.
I may turn into Satan someday,
When-this is what we can't say.
I act like I've no problem in life,
But my pressure keeps piling,
The teachers' expectations keep rising.
I can't keep my head straight or right,
And I can no more differentiate between right or wrong.
I want to move on,
But there're bound to be obstacles.
I try to get them away,
But they just don't budge but stay.
Sometimes I just wondered what the fuck is wrong with me.
Don't worry it'll get over someday.
I try to look at my front,
But the sides are my distractions.
I know I can't stay.
I know I can't remain the same.
But I certainly need time to advance.
I promise that when I see a chance,
Imma grab it and not let down.
Yeah. I'm not gonna let myself down.
Friday, 16 January 2009
God damn it.
The bomb has went off.
My temper is on and off.
I can't predict what I'm capable of.
Everything seems so fucked up.
Everything seems to be going against me.
Or issit me going against the flow?
Iono. But I know a thing or so.
That I've blown and can't put up with the nonsense no more.
Fuck it. Why am I hollering about all this shit here,
In this fucked up mood that I have.
On this earth I hardly find any peace,
All I hear is nonsense.
So people like fucking me up and think it's fun.
Fuck you cats. Fuck with me one more time.
And Imma take your bloody life.
I swear I'm not letting things rest as easy
As I used to handle stuffs in the past.
My temper is on and off.
I can't predict what I'm capable of.
Everything seems so fucked up.
Everything seems to be going against me.
Or issit me going against the flow?
Iono. But I know a thing or so.
That I've blown and can't put up with the nonsense no more.
Fuck it. Why am I hollering about all this shit here,
In this fucked up mood that I have.
On this earth I hardly find any peace,
All I hear is nonsense.
So people like fucking me up and think it's fun.
Fuck you cats. Fuck with me one more time.
And Imma take your bloody life.
I swear I'm not letting things rest as easy
As I used to handle stuffs in the past.
random-ness
Sometimes I feel like shit.
Sometimes I act like dick.
This very moment, I think.
Everyone's like that ain't it?
But I think again.
Why can everyone else seem to be happy
For 24/7
But for me, I fuck up every now and then.
No one knows what'll happen the next minute,
Let alone the next day.
I try to live every other day.
With my head lifted and walk with my back straight.
For now I would like to quote.
Coz I think the following quote is too meaningful.
'I will not fall
I will stand tall
Feels like no one can beat me'
Source: Till I Collapse - Eminem.
Sometimes I act like dick.
This very moment, I think.
Everyone's like that ain't it?
But I think again.
Why can everyone else seem to be happy
For 24/7
But for me, I fuck up every now and then.
No one knows what'll happen the next minute,
Let alone the next day.
I try to live every other day.
With my head lifted and walk with my back straight.
For now I would like to quote.
Coz I think the following quote is too meaningful.
'I will not fall
I will stand tall
Feels like no one can beat me'
Source: Till I Collapse - Eminem.
Random
Very soon I'm bout to blow.
Soon in the future is what that'll show.
I might seem like a nobody,
I may seem like a gay.
But once I blow, I can't phantom how'll it be.
I try hard to conceal.
Try hard to hide.
But no matter how hard i try,
My efforts a futile.
I try to be what I really am,
But it's never seem to work.
For I'm always putting on a mask,
To hide the sore in me.
You guys may be at advantage,
But Imma change that to disadvantage.
I'm be a demon if I like.
Be a angel is I feel like.
Because I just don't care what you like.
Soon in the future is what that'll show.
I might seem like a nobody,
I may seem like a gay.
But once I blow, I can't phantom how'll it be.
I try hard to conceal.
Try hard to hide.
But no matter how hard i try,
My efforts a futile.
I try to be what I really am,
But it's never seem to work.
For I'm always putting on a mask,
To hide the sore in me.
You guys may be at advantage,
But Imma change that to disadvantage.
I'm be a demon if I like.
Be a angel is I feel like.
Because I just don't care what you like.
???
Sometimes I feel like a lunatic,
Doing things kinds of crazy shit.
I feel weak deep down there,
But still wants to hang on there.
I'm letting this remind myself
That no matter how bad I fall,
It ain't gonna matter for I'm not gonna moan.
If I ever give up,
There would be only 2 chances.
One is when I'm lying in my deathbed,
Two is when I'm lying on my bed.
Tireless I may seem to be,
Tired is the feeling inside me.
I gather all the energy I have, and do what's best for me.
No matter the outcome,
I ain't gonna be,
Happy angry or whatever you name it.
I'll listen to my body.
And fall back when it tells me.
Doing things kinds of crazy shit.
I feel weak deep down there,
But still wants to hang on there.
I'm letting this remind myself
That no matter how bad I fall,
It ain't gonna matter for I'm not gonna moan.
If I ever give up,
There would be only 2 chances.
One is when I'm lying in my deathbed,
Two is when I'm lying on my bed.
Tireless I may seem to be,
Tired is the feeling inside me.
I gather all the energy I have, and do what's best for me.
No matter the outcome,
I ain't gonna be,
Happy angry or whatever you name it.
I'll listen to my body.
And fall back when it tells me.
Thursday, 15 January 2009
Damn it.
As the rain pounded,
My thoughts bewildered.
Why is it like this,
What happened to that?
I went into the shower,
Wet myself with some water,
Thinking that I may think better.
But it didn't work,
Just making me more tired.
I heard the birds chirping, the sound of joy.
I heard the music playing, the sound of sadness.
What really lies beneath me,
I guess it's not nice to unleash.
See, I wanted to be a joyous person,
But situation became worse.
I had to do things I hate,
I turned into Satan.
Karma is declining,
And I know a catastrophe for me's coming.
I'm prepared for the worse,
Even if it means dying.
Only will death bring me down that's what I said.
So I think i will not let other things to make me collapse.
I'm not a weakling and I will not want to swear.
So I'm trying hard as I could to make do without those words.
God. Let me know if I'm dying as I would want to thank.
Locate all those who made my life worth living,
And say a word of thanks.
My thoughts bewildered.
Why is it like this,
What happened to that?
I went into the shower,
Wet myself with some water,
Thinking that I may think better.
But it didn't work,
Just making me more tired.
I heard the birds chirping, the sound of joy.
I heard the music playing, the sound of sadness.
What really lies beneath me,
I guess it's not nice to unleash.
See, I wanted to be a joyous person,
But situation became worse.
I had to do things I hate,
I turned into Satan.
Karma is declining,
And I know a catastrophe for me's coming.
I'm prepared for the worse,
Even if it means dying.
Only will death bring me down that's what I said.
So I think i will not let other things to make me collapse.
I'm not a weakling and I will not want to swear.
So I'm trying hard as I could to make do without those words.
God. Let me know if I'm dying as I would want to thank.
Locate all those who made my life worth living,
And say a word of thanks.
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Fuck it. I'm back.
Okay people. I'm back blogging. Life's fucking boring for me. School's fucked up as usual. Fucked up teachers with their shit ass faces. Damn. So you think my handwritting messy huh? Wants me to copy reader's digest huh? Come on man. Wake up. What the fuck is wrong with you? I dare you to go out on the streets and do a survey if my handwritting's untidy. Fuck. Bitch. My homies understand my handwritting. Everyone does. It's the problem in your eyes. You hoe. I'm fucked up and pissed off. Yeah. So? Even if some people reads this and whatever shit I'm in trouble. I don't give a god damn fuck yo. My handwritting not hieroglyphic, it's the problem in you. I know my subliminal thoughts sometimes can be sporadic and whatsoever, getting people pissed with me. But hey. WHO ON EARTH GIVES A GOD DAMN FUCK ABOUT IT?! TELL ME! FUCK YOU! TELL ME! I dunno why I'm doing this also, wasting my god damn time, blabbering all this shit out of me, yeah. I have an attitude problem. But so what. Come get me. I dun care. Fuck it. I'm outta here.
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