Urgh

Now in this state of mind
I just don't feel right
Nothing goes into my mind
And I really don't get what I just typed

I've been putting up with shit,
Fatigue's catching up with me.
I'm tired inside out,
Mentally physically,
Just wanna tear my hair out.

What passed was a holiday,
No it wasn't coz I didn't enjoy and rest a day.
I didn't manage to recharge, recuperate.
How the fuck am I suppose to operate?

Never dealt with such shit before,
Everything just comes to me like never before.
I give a mask like I'm fine,
Deep down inside I know I might die.

I tell myself I'm tough I'm rough,
Maybe I've always been cheating myself.
Gone with the days are those happy moments.
Come now is the days with crazy schedules.

I find myself trapped in a mad rush, a mud rush.
I'm struggling and I keep sinking and I can't get myself on my feet.
I know I gotta pick myself up fast and quick,
But I never be able to do it quick and swift and the demons come and beat me down on my knees.

I need help I can't breath.
Trapped in these reflections all I see is a destructed me.
I find it hard but I know I gotta fight this.
So I put my hands together and wish.

Everyone

Well, what am I doing here? I should be studying/doing my holiday homework because after today, I doubt I will have time for them anymore. Everyone have their own problems in life, that stops them, ultimately, to reach their goal. For me, I guess my biggest problems are laziness and procratination. But everyone have these in them isn't it? I don't get it but somehow or another. I always want but fail to start on something. Sometimes, this just kills me and I feel guilty. The funny thing is that, I never learn. I want that drive back, that drive in me last time, in the past, when I could just finish all my work easily and quickly without having to deal with distractions, e.g. TV, computer and my handphone. I tell myself I'll get off my comp to concentrate on my homework, end up I catch myself surfing on my handphone. Sort of dumb of me actually. I wanna downgrade my phone. Well I guess, that's all my rantings about.

Mount Ophir next week, followed by 3 days rest, and off to OBS. My holiday is screwed.